


I'd Rather Be Heartless, Than Have My Heart In Pieces

by Panikki



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Angst, Blood and Violence, Childhood Friends, Dissociation, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, How Do I Tag, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Swearing, Trust Issues, childhood friends to enemies to friends to lovers, no beta we die like men, reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:00:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23812705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panikki/pseuds/Panikki
Summary: Your parents (a wealthy couple from the Earth Kingdom) had known the Beifongs for years, having met at a social gathering a while before you had been born. Your family was one of the only people to know about Toph’s existence once she was born, having been trusted enough to know about her and her disability. The (L/N)s and the Beifongs had dinner together regularly, but neither (Y/N) nor Toph were allowed to attend having been deemed too young...until you both reached the age of six.Growing up together sounds fun, but things quickly go downhill for (Y/N) as you desperately try to hold on to all you've ever known.
Relationships: Aang & Toph Beifong & Katara & Sokka & Suki & Zuko, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Toph Beifong/Original Female Character(s), Toph Beifong/Reader
Comments: 61
Kudos: 121





	1. Chapter 1

Your parents (a wealthy couple from the Earth Kingdom) had known the Beifongs for years, having met at a social gathering a while before you had been born. Your family was one of the only people to know about Toph’s existence once she was born, having been trusted enough to know about her and her disability. The (L/N)s and the Beifongs had dinner together regularly, but neither (Y/N) nor Toph were allowed to attend having been deemed too young...until you both reached the age of six. 

“Come on, dear,” your mother called from the doorway, having come up to see why you were taking so long to get ready. “You have to look your best for the Beifongs.” She watched the maids struggle to get you into the restricting clothing for a few more moments before shooing them out with a simple flick of the wrist. 

“Mama, do I have to wear this? It doesn’t feel right when I wear it. ‘S too tight…” you trailed off, fiddling with your fingers anxiously. 

“Yes, you must. We want you to make a good first impression. They have a very high standing in the Earth Kingdom and looking disheveled while meeting them would be an embarrassment to our family.” You sighed and nodded, standing still long enough for your mother to help you into the clothing once more. She ran a hand through your (h/l), (h/c) hair before fixing it into a more appropriate look. Nodding slightly at her handy work, she grabbed your hand and led you downstairs to where your father was waiting, looking slightly impatient.

“We must be going before we’re late,” he insisted, hurrying everyone out to the waiting carriage. “To the Beifong residence!” The carriage took off and you sighed, slumping down slightly. You really didn’t want to go and sit through a stuffy dinner with adults. Why did you have to go anyway? Why now? Why was it so important for you to meet the Beifongs? Too many questions, not enough answers.

After a while, the carriage stopped and the man helped everyone out of the carriage, smiling slightly in reply to your thank you. Looking up, you couldn’t help but gasp in awe. The place was beautiful! Before you could take everything in, however, your father pushed you gently towards the door, nodding a greeting to some of the guards. He knocked slightly and the door was opened by a maid. She smiled tentatively before ushering you inside and gesturing to take everyone’s coats. Soon after she left to put away your things, another maid entered and told you all to follow her into the dining area. You followed, slightly confused by the twists and turns, clutching your mother’s hand tightly. Eventually, you all made it to the dining room where two adults and a child around your age were sitting around the table. The couple were obviously the parents of the little girl, which meant she was also a Beifong. You hadn’t known Poppy and Lao had a daughter? After a brief introduction, you sat down. 

The adults easily slid into polite small talk, filling the room with idle chatter. Your mother tapped your arm, pausing her conversation with Poppy for a brief second. She gestured towards the little girl who was playing with the food on her plate, indicating that you should strike up a conversation. Before you could object, she turned back to her conversation. Playing with your fingers under the table, you glanced up towards the girl. Toph, if you remembered correctly.

“Um, hello. I’m (Y/N),” you said quietly. You paused for a second, nearly face-palming. She already knew your name! Feeling your face heat up a little bit, you ducked away.

“Yeah, I know,” Toph said. Poppy grimaced, her arm moving towards her daughter slightly, though you couldn’t tell what she was doing. Toph squirmed a little before sitting up straighter. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Toph, if you didn’t already know.” Now that she was looking up and not at her food, you could clearly see her eyes. They were a light seafoam green, though they were cloudy and unseeing. Even though you were a child, you could recognize that she was blind.

“It’s nice to meet you as well.” You both lapsed into an awkward silence, both of you wanting to say something but neither of you could think of a topic to think about.

“Kids,” Lao looked over at you both from his place at the head of the table. “Why don’t you go and play somewhere. Toph, we have some things to discuss with Mr. and Mrs. (L/N), but we will have some guards stationed just in case you need help. I’m sure (Y/N) would be glad to help you as well with getting around.” Toph pressed her lips together tightly before nodding, getting up from the table. You followed her lead and grabbed her hand after her father prompted you to do so. Your mother seemed nervous at the thought of letting you leave without either of your parents but nodded anyway, giving you permission to go.

Toph seemed very uncomfortable as a maid led you both outdoors and into the garden. The sun was just beginning to set, encasing the garden in a golden glow. You noticed the guards standing around, though they didn’t approach you. There seemed to be more standing around then when you had first arrived. You still held Toph’s hand, although you weren't entirely sure where to go from there. The maid noticed your lost look and took pity, gesturing to a large tree before hurrying off. You hesitated before walking with Toph over to the tree, absentmindedly remembering to let go of her hand.Toph seemed a bit uncertain, shifting from foot to foot before abruptly plopping down. Her dress billowed around her and she gestured for you to sit. You hesitated before sitting down, crossing your legs underneath you. You opened your mouth to say something to break the silence but Toph beat you to it.

“So, how old are you? I just turned six a few weeks ago.” It was a fairly mundane topic but it was better than anything you would have been able to think of.

“Oh! Actually, my birthday is today. I just turned six.”

“Wait, really? Happy birthday, I guess.” You murmured a quiet thank you before it went silent again. The hands neatly folded in your lap began to fidget, pulling at a tiny loose thread. After a moment you inwardly groaned, your hand falling to the ground. Your fingers began to twitch anxiously so you pulled up small pieces of grass.

“This is really awkward,” Toph stated after a long moment of dead silence. 

“Oh good, I'm not the only one who feels the awkward air,” you smile warmly. “I haven't talked to anyone my age so I'm not sure what to say.” 

“Yeah, me neither,” Toph exclaimed, leaning her back onto the tree. “My parents say that because I'm blind, I need to be protected and they basically imply that I'm helpless. They said people would take advantage of me, but I don’t think that would happen. I’m blind, not dumb. I wouldn’t let anything like that happen.” You nodded along enthusiastically, feeling excited that you're finally gonna make a friend your age! 

“Yeah, mama and my dad don't really let me go anywhere. They say something bad could happen to me, but I dunno what it could be. It frustrates me because they won't even tell me the threat cause I'm ‘too young’! I'm mature for my age!” You puffed out your chest a little bit, your hands on your hips. Toph snorted, bunching a clump of dirt in her hands.

“That outfit certainly does make you look older,” Toph said, a smirk on her lips.

“Thanks--” you stop for a second before glaring at her. “Was that really necessary?” You try to keep up a stern front before dissolving into giggles. Toph smiled in your general direction, seemingly glad you weren't mad at her joke.

“It certainly was, Twitch.” You furrowed your brow at the unusual nickname.

“What?” Toph snorted at your question.

“I'm blind and even I can tell that you have some serious nervous tics, kid. You twitch,” she explained casually. Pouting slightly, you crossed your arms indignantly.

“I do not have nervous tics!” You denied, ignoring the fact that you completely do. Toph scoffed.

“Sure you don't, twitch.” You both continued to talk, making jokes and answering questions about yourself whenever she asked and vice versa. You smiled widely as you watched Toph gesture wildly, retelling one of her favourite fairy tales to you. You had always wanted a friend and you were glad that the first friend you made ended up being Toph.

Ever since that day, you always tagged along with your parents whenever they went to visit the Beifongs. You were always on your best behaviour around Toph’s parents, but whenever you both were allowed to go off alone (well, excluding the guards who watched over you) both you and Toph let yourself drop the prim and proper facade you used around your parents and strangers. It was nice being able to be yourself around someone and you were sure Toph felt the same way. You talked about anything and everything and when you ran out of stories to tell about real life, you ended up entertaining yourselves by making up the most ridiculous back stories for the guards and maids who hurried around everywhere or just coming up with stories on the spot. But your favourite things to talk about were the plans to travel together when you both were older. 

Of course, at first the talk was all that--just talk, but eventually you both kept straying to the subject every meeting, fully fleshing out your travels. Where you would go, what you would see. It seemed like the simplest thing in the world. Once you were old enough, it would just be you, Toph and the open road. Sometimes you doubted everything. Toph was blind for god’s sake and it just seemed like a really big thing to do. You quickly brushed off that train of thought, firmly reminding yourself that even though Toph is blind, she's tough and you'd both make it through any rough spots.

Then, three months after meeting Toph, something happened. A day before your usual dinner with the Beifongs, a man delivered a parchment to your family, the letter stating that the dinner was off due to something important having come up. You knew there was more written in the letter that your parents weren't telling you about so, after you were put to bed, you snuck out quietly, intending to eavesdrop on a conversation or steal the letter if need be. You stopped in the shadows of the flickering candlelight, pressed tight to the wall in your pajamas. You held your breath, clutching your hand to your chest as you listened into the main sitting area where you knew your parents to be.

“This is awful, (D/N)!” Your mother whispered, sighing softly. “I do hope that they find her soon.” You pursed your lips, annoyed at having to play the pronoun game. 

“I know, dear. Poppy and Lao seem very worried. They have no clue what happened or where she could be.” Your father seemed to approach the doorway, causing your heart to stop beating for a moment. Luckily, he kept moving, apparently pacing the length of the room. Thinking over what your father said, your eyes widened. They were talking about Toph! She was gone?

“Do you think she ran away? Poppy didn't include much details, though I'm glad she found the time to write us and tell us what's going on, bless her,” your mother said nervously. Your father gave a small grunt but otherwise didn’t respond. You felt as if your heart cracked. If she really did run away...that means she left of her own free will. Left her house, left her parents...left you. You began to tear up, quickly creeping back to your room so you wouldn't be caught and punished for sneaking around past your bedtime. Once in the safety of your room, you let out a soft sob. Why would she leave you behind like that? She  _ promised  _ that you both would leave together. That she would never leave you alone. But…

No. You angrily wipe your tears away, bunching the fabric of your blanket into your tiny fists. Toph wasn't the kind of person to break promises. She wouldn't leave you, not like this. She obviously left for a reason but you were sure she would come back, whether it was just to collect you and leave again or to come and live at home once more. You laid back down in your bed, curled up into a ball. You silently chastised yourself for doubting your friend.  _ She'll come back. She always will come back. _

A week later, she came back. Well, your family didn't actually know she came back until nearly three weeks after she had turned up, the Beifongs too paranoid to send a letter and wanting to spend every waking hour with their daughter. Thinking about how much they're probably coddling her and how much she probably hates it brings a small smirk to your face. Of course you were glad Toph was okay, you had been just as worried as everyone else (okay, maybe not as worried as the Beifongs. You figured she left of her own free will and would come back in time, after all) but that didn't excuse her from making you worry. She left with no explanation and no goodbye, not even to you. You were aware that running away was probably unplanned, but still! If she had the strength to run away, she could have stopped by your house or something. 

Sighing, you ran a hand through your hair before slowly dragging the hand down your face. God, you had been so worried that she had forgotten about you, that she had broken your promises to each other. You silently chastised yourself for even thinking that Toph would do something so mean to you. You trusted her. She was your best (and only) friend and you had faith in her. You took a deep breath before exhaling slowly. Your insecurity had clouded your vision, the fear of being abandoned overshadowing the rational part of your mind. Now that Toph was back, though, you could think properly. No one was going to abandon you. Not your parents, not Toph. 

You curled up under the covers of your bed, staring out the large glass doors leading onto your balcony. As soon as you would be allowed to once more see Toph, you could bombard her with your questions but, until then, you had to be patient. You could do that. You chewed absentmindedly at your bottom lip, watching the moon and feeling wide awake despite the time.

You didn't get much sleep that night, wasting the night away with thoughts of when you’d be allowed to see Toph again. 


	2. Chapter 2

A year. That’s how long you were forced to stay away. Every week that you weren’t allowed to go to the Beifong’s made your chest hurt, although you didn’t know why. Being away from Toph always made you ache a little. She was your only friend, the only one who could entertain you during these dismal days. 

Today you sat staring outside, your parents refusing to let you venture out. Not like you really thought they would, honestly. They never did. They always said that going outside alone could be dangerous, that something could happen to you while you were out there. Honestly, you thought they were just being overly strict. There were guards! They could come! You sighed longingly, watching the sun shine down. The only times you were let outside were for your daily combat lessons with Sifu Kai. You had been signed up for lessons a few weeks after meeting Toph, your parents saying that it would be best to have some knowledge of the basic ways to protect yourself. To be honest, it wasn’t that bad. You had really taken a shining to the hand to hand combat, although your parents didn't really let you do anything dangerous or too tricky, and you were allowed to start training with a practice weapon as soon as Kai deemed you ready. It kept your mind off of things, all your doubts and insecurities.

Your mother and father had started going back to the Beifong’s house a few weeks after the Toph fiasco but they never brought you along, saying that Toph wasn’t feeling up to visitors. You knew they were lying about that, though. You had been around them for long enough to pick up on their nervous tics when they’re lying. You figured Poppy and Lao didn’t want anyone seeing Toph that wasn’t necessary, which included you and (you assumed) your parents. It was likely your mother and father didn’t get to see Toph any more than you did. Regardless, you still begged to go every time your parents left you with the maids and the guards. Sighing, you rested your head against the glass of the window, closing your eyes for a second. Hearing a knock at the door, you lifted your head minutely, squinting to see who was there. You perked up when you saw that it was Sifu Kai, his long hair up in a topknot with a simple metal ring keeping it up and his customary sword strapped to his belt. He nodded slightly at the maid before looking towards you, gesturing silently.

Sifu was a man of few words which was fine by you, although sometimes you did crave social interaction with people other than the ones in the household. You got up to follow him, already donned in your fighting garb. You tugged at the green fabric, still feeling a little down in general even though you were finally being allowed outside for the day. Your parents had gone to see Poppy and Lao just an hour before Sifu had arrived. You silently wondered why they had gone so early, as they normally wait for Sifu Kai to arrive before leaving, “just in case”. They had seemed to be excited and nervous, both of them fidgeting a little instead of being their stoic selves. You shook off your thoughts, wanting to focus on the lesson instead of what was happening at the Beifong’s. 

Sifu Kai led you to the backyard, sitting down on the ground with his legs crossed and gesturing for you to sit. You obliged, a bit confused. Usually you started with stretches, so what was going on right now exactly? Noting the air of confusion you had, Kai took pity and began to explain.

“You seem very stuck in your head, little one. Immersing yourself in your thoughts can be fine when you’re inside and daydreaming, but it is very dangerous to not have a clear head when fighting,” he gave you a long look, his black eyes seeming to look through you. “Getting distracted can be life or death. You have no idea how a fight will turn out, what will happen and what someone will pull. You could end up fighting someone you know nothing about and you will need to pay attention in case they pull any tricks.” You sighed, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath, understanding that he wanted you to meditate. When you had first begun, the first month was just him and you sitting in the back garden in complete silence, meditating. It was slightly (very) annoying at the time as you had wanted to get to the fighting, but now you could recognize that it was a good strategy and very calming. 

You pressed your hands to the ground, trying to clear your mind of all thoughts. Feeling the dirt and grass between your fingers, you inhaled deeply, sorting through the jumbled mess inside your head and trying to put everything in its place. You felt yourself slowly starting to relax, your stiff shoulders beginning to slump. After an undetermined amount of time, Kai cleared his throat. You were slowly pulled from your mindscape where you had been sorting out your thoughts. You opened your eyes, feeling more clear headed and sharp than you had in a long time.

“Are you ready, little wolf? Start your stretches so we can get on with training,” Kai commanded, watching as you began to stretch before heading towards the small building that held equipment you used for training, You sighed, feeling the slight pull of your muscles as you began to stretch. You bandaged your knuckles as you stretched out your legs, knowing the drill by now. You stiffened as you felt a small disturbance behind you, quickly reacting on instinct and rolling out of the way of the incoming fist. You sprung up, hands at the ready. Your mind was in overdrive, trying to think one step ahead as you dodged and weaved. While slightly distracted, Kai managed to trip you. You stumbled and reeled back, trying to keep your bare feet from sliding out from under you.

“Keep your mind clear,” Kai reminded you. You set your mouth into a grim line, nodding slightly. Using your momentum, you launched yourself at him, feeling your blood rushing in your ears. Kai seemed slightly taken aback at your direct approach and, using this, you twisted in the air, bringing your boney elbow up to nail him in the gut. Kai seemed appropriately out of breath, suddenly gasping for air after the impact.

Kai swung out and you tried to skitter away but he caught you in the shoulder. You fell, not intending to try and stop yourself. From the ground you watched as Kai attempted to pin you with his foot. Rolling away at the last second, you grabbed his ankle, wrenching it from the ground and pulling as hard as you could. Kai fell with a loud thud. 

You scrambled up quickly, out of breath and sweaty. Kai got up not a second later, both of you facing off. Your body felt wrecked from the beat down. This was only your fourth time fighting an actual person, only the second time fighting with Kai. You shifted, feeling uneasy as you both waited, seeming to be looking for the right opportunity to strike. Getting impatient, you decided to attack first. You ran at Kai, getting ready to lash out. Kai thrust out his arm, hitting you square in the chest. Suddenly, you were on the ground, dazed and feeling like you couldn’t breathe. You gasped out, clawing slightly at your chest as you wheezed. You looked up from your position to see Kai smirking down at you. 

“That was good, little wolf, but you are very impatient. Do not just take any opportunity you have, you must wait and listen. Watch and analyze. Brute force can only get you so far, little one.” He helped your bruised and battered body off the floor. You kept hold of his hand once you were standing, needing it to keep you from swaying.

“It may have been good, but obviously not good enough,” you stuttered out, your chest beginning to feel a bit more normal. Your back hurt, though, and you were sure to have a large bruise there later. Kai scoffed, helping you inside and onto the window seat you were fond of.

“Do not pull that with me, (Y/N). You are still small and will have lots of time to continue practising,” Kai said sternly. You nodded, understanding that he was right even if you didn’t really want to admit it. You wished you were already good at it, but those things need time and a lot of effort and practice. 

“I take it we won’t be telling my parents about our little fight, yeah?” You asked slyly, smirking. Your parents worried and didn’t want you doing anything too dangerous at your young age, which is the main reason why you’ve only fought Kai twice so far and his daughter twice. He had brought her along a few times as she was closer to your height than he was, since she was 12. Even at her young age, she was still much better at it than you were. 

“If you don’t mind, little one. Now, how are you feeling? Up to a bit of work with the Mu ren zhuang? Because once you’ve finished with that, we may have a bit of time to start working with a sword,” Kai attempted to bribe you. You sighed, picking at the skin around your fingernails. With the way your body was feeling, you weren’t so sure you could get what he wanted you to do done, but you nodded anyway, following him back out of the room silently. 

You flopped down on your bed, exhausted and overworked. Your muscles screamed at you every time you moved and you winced. Needless to say, you didn’t get to the sword training today. Your parents still weren’t back yet and Kai had been annoyed at having to leave you alone (ignoring you when you pointed out you weren’t ever really alone what with the maids and the guards) but he needed to get home and care for his daughter as his wife was sick and wasn’t doing all that great lately. You had bid him goodbye, basically forcing him out the door before you asked Rin to make you a bath so you could soak your aching muscles.

You were laying on your bed now, waiting for Rin or Kira to come fetch you to tell you the bath was ready. You slowly drifted in and out of sleep before Rin came and got you, helping you up and into the bathroom. She hesitated, asking gently if you needed help. Normally, you weren’t fond of asking for help. Many of the elite or royal families need help from maids when bathing but it always made you feel rude and slightly incompetent. Today, however, you were aware that moving your arms was going to be a problem. The pain in your back was no joking matter and you knew the pain wasn’t going to go away anytime soon. You sighed and looked at Rin, smiling slightly at the young woman.

“It looks like I may need some help with my shirt, sorry to inconvenience you,” you murmured, your fingers curling in the fabric of your clothing. Rin smiled warmly, brushing a piece of auburn hair out of her face.

“It’s not an inconvenience, (Y/N)! It’s my job, hun.” You blushed in slight embarrassment regardless, refusing to meet her eyes as you mumble another apology. She helped you lift the shirt over your head and immediately gasped at the large and quickly purpling bruise on your back.

“Oh my-” she cut herself off and gave you a pained look. “No wonder you need some help. He really did a number on you!” You let out a pained grunt when she poked it and she immediately retracted her hand. “Sorry! I’ll get you something to help with the bruising while you finish up in here, okay?” 

“Yeah, okay. Thank you, Rin.” She just smiled and hurried out of the room, shutting the door behind her. You nibbled at your bottom lip before getting undressed and slowly lowering your battered body into the warm water. Closing your eyes, you sighed blissfully before slowly dozing off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one goes out to my first commenter lesbian_pollyperks  
> Thank you so much for your lovely comment, it really inspired me to get this up! I hope you and other readers enjoy where I end up taking the story :)


	3. Chapter 3

You were rudely awakened by a mouthful of cold water. You began to cough, spitting out the water you had accidentally inhaled as you slipped farther into the water. You were shivering, the water having gone cold a long while ago. You hurried out, wincing slightly as you dried off and put on the night clothes Rin had brought in with her when she began the bath. You opened the large door, looking around and glancing out the large window.

It was dark! Your parents had to have been home by now. You walked to the main living area, feeling a bit uneasy at the unusual silence in the large house. You wrapped your arms around yourself as you shuffled your feet, looking around for your mother and father.

Suddenly, you felt a hand on your shoulder. You shrieked, grabbing the hand and twisting the person's wrist around. Whirling around, you came face to face with your father who held a pained grimace and was listing to the side slightly, trying to get his arm back in the correct position. You immediately let go of him, your eyes wide.

“Oh my gosh! Dad, I am so sorry! You startled me and so I lashed out. I’m re-” you began to ramble, your breath caught in your throat and your heart still pounding at the scare. Your father smiled kindly, cutting you off.

“It's fine, (Y/N). I should have announced my presence. I should have remembered you startle fairly easily, so that's all on me,” he said, ruffling your hair. You smiled weakly, once again chewing on your bottom lip. “Anyway, your mother and I would like to talk to you. We know it's late, but it's very exciting news so we thought we should tell you immediately instead of waiting until tomorrow.” Your heart jumped. You knew instantly the news was regarding their weird behaviour before going to the Beifong’s home earlier. Hurrying to the living room, you sat down in front of your mother, hearing your father laugh as he followed at a more sedate pace.

“(Y/N), please try to at least have _some_ decorum,” your mother chided exasperatedly but you could see the faint smile she tried to hide.

“I apologize, mother,” you picked at the skin around your fingernails again. You knew she didn't really mean it but you still felt slightly bad about your behaviour. “I'm just excited. I assume the news has something to do with being able to see To- the Beifongs.” You blushed slightly at your slip up but thankfully your mother didn't seem to catch it. Your father stood in the doorway, watching as your mother sat down gracefully. She took your hand gently and smiled lovingly at you. 

“Next week, we have scheduled a meeting with Poppy and Lao...and you will be allowed to come along.” You felt yourself beaming, lunging forward to give your mother a hug and ignoring the twinges of pain in your back. She was surprised but quickly hugged you back.

“So how was your lesson with Master Kai?” Your father asked, moving into the room to sit next to your mother.

“It was good. We mainly just used the wooden dummy. We had to stretch first and we started meditating again,” you said, avoiding the entire fight knowing your parents wouldn't approve of having you fighting a person more than half your age and gigantic compared to your small height. 

“You've started meditating again? Why?” Your dad said, a little annoyed that Kai seemed to be taking you back to the ‘useless stuff’ as he had once put it. Your mother lightly slapped his arm.

“No, it's fine,” you reassured your father, quickly picking up on his train of thought. “The mediation really helped me concentrate.” 

“You act as if you need concentration in order to practice on an inanimate object,” your mother said suspiciously. You shifted slightly, playing with your fingers in your lap. You opened your mouth, preparing to come up with a quick lie when a large **_BANG_ ** shook the building. Everyone in the room shot to their feet. What was going on? Your father voiced the thought out loud. Hearing shouts from outside, you all rushed to the window, peering out. You couldn't see anything as your father quickly moved to block your line of sight.

“(M/N), get (Y/N) out of here and _run,_ ” your father demanded, unusually serious.

“What's going on?” You questioned, worried at the sounds coming from outside. Your mother grabbed you by the arm tightly and tugged you out of the room, breaking out into a brisk walk as you stumbled behind.

“Mom?” You tried digging your heels into the floor but your mother didn't cease her pace. “MOM!” She finally stopped and pulled you into a room you had never been in before. It was dark and you couldn't see a thing. The small window barely gave enough light to see a silhouette of your mother crouching by the door.

“(Y/N), there's something very important I must tell you. I didn't intend to tell you this early, and certainly not under these circumstances but this may be the only chance I have.”

“What-”

“No, you have to listen! (Y/N), when you were just a baby, many bad people wanted to hurt your father and I. They wanted money and we had that, so they would kidnap you and use you as leverage so we would give them what they wanted. Eventually, we moved from Ba Sing Se to Gaoling where we kept you inside so nothing bad could happen again. That's why we are so strict. Anything could happen to you and if you were hurt neither your father or I could live with ourselves.

“It seems that some bad people have found us once again, but this time it doesn't seem they want to kidnap anyone. They're mercenaries, people who kill others for money. I'm sorry, my sweet child. We foolishly hoped we could keep you out of this mess and away from the world. We were blind to logic and we have put you in danger. I have to go and help your father, you have to stay in here. If anyone comes that isn't your father or I, you have to go out the window. You're small enough to fit. Promise me, (Y/N).”

“Mama, please! I can help! I can-”

“Promise me,” your mother stated firmly, grasping you by the shoulders. You pressed your lips together and nodded frantically, your heart pounded loudly and your stomach felt like a block of lead.

“I promise Mama.” 

“I love you, my dear.” She kissed your forehead and disappeared out the door, shutting it quietly. 

“I love you too,” you whispered quietly to the empty room.

You sat in the dark, staring blankly at the wall as you tried to process everything. After a moment, everything caught up with you and you let out a heart wrenching sob. Placing a hand over your mouth, you pressed your other hand on your heart, feeling it ache as if it was shattered. Your mother and father were out there, fighting who knows how many people and putting themselves at risk all because of you. And here you were, cowering inside a dark room. 

Tears streamed down your face as you cried silently. You're hands were shaking and you felt as if you couldn't breathe. Your heart was pounding out of your chest and you felt frightened, overwhelmingly terrified for your parents. Trying to take deep breaths, you closed your eyes, attempting meditation. Your thoughts were a complete mess and every small sound had you flinching. You hugged yourself and tried again. You would be of no use in your current state. You were not going to sit here and wait to see if your parents would still be alive by morning, but you could do nothing if you were having a panic attack.

Determined, you closed your eyes and inhaled deeply for a count of four, held for seven and exhaled for eight. Repeating the process, you eventually began to calm. As soon as you were the slightest bit better, you leapt up. Crossing to the door, you peeked out, seeing nothing. The sound of shouting was still only coming from outside. You stuck to the shadows as you left, walking on silent feet through the house. You got to the parlour and, after deeming it clear of intruders, you snuck in. You peeked out the window, leaning on your window seat as your eyes strained to see through the darkness. You could make out blurred figures dashing around but you couldn't determine what anyone looked like or whether any of them were your guards. You backed away from the window, walking to the hallway and exiting through the door. 

The blood rushing through your ears was an annoyance as you couldn't concentrate on any small noises but you continued on anyway. You watched as men fell to each other's blades, feeling slightly horrified and sick. They were all people. People with families. You pressed against the wall, hidden by the shrubbery in the garden. Turning and trudging on, you fought to keep your eyes ahead of you and your mind focused solely on finding your parents. You felt selfish and like an absolute jerk, but you could not let your family be hurt. Clenching your tiny fists, you slid and weaved, trying your hardest to not be seen. The leaves and twigs were scratching at your arms and face, snagging in the fabric of your clothing. Stopping to untangle your shirt, you were surprised when a large man flew right into the bushes in front of you. He was bleeding from a large cut along the left side of his face. His long hair was a mess and he seemed to be dramatically losing the colour in his face. Your heart stopped when you noticed the large stain of blood covering the front of his shirt. The man was struggling, fighting to stay alive.

You felt your hands shaking, wanting to do something, anything! You reached towards the man but he was abruptly yanked away. Jerking back, you watched as a person dressed in all black and wearing a mask threw him to the ground. Bringing their hands up, you noticed the glint of the twin daggers in their hands. The antique looking daggers had a very intricate design on the handles and would have been beautiful if they had not been stained red with the blood of many. The scent of blood was strong in the air and you watched with tears in your eyes as the man’s throat was slit. The monster standing over him carelessly wiped the blood off on the dead man's clothing and in that moment you had felt, for the first time, the overwhelming feeling of hating someone with your entire being. 

All these people were attacking your home. They were murdering and hurting people--people you knew and cared about. All for what? Money? You stormed on, keeping low. Your whole body felt heavy and weighed down as you watched the destruction unfold. Finally, you heard a shout. Perking up, you peeked around the corner, frantically searching for the one who had made the sound. 

“Mom,” you whispered as you watched her face off with three men. You couldn't see where your father was but you knew he couldn't be far. Slipping out from your cover of the bushes, you darted for a large tree standing off to the right. Feeling your heart pounding, you hoped and prayed that no one had noticed you. A dark chuckle had you freezing, plastering yourself as close to the tree as possible. The rough bark bit into your skin but you couldn't find it in yourself to care. Looking around, you sighed in relief when you saw that no one had noticed you.

“Mrs. (L/N). Finally, we meet,” a gravelly voice called out, his voice muffled by the mask but you could tell they were a male. Your fingers curled tightly into the tree, nerves getting the better of you. Now that you were here, you weren't entirely sure what to do. You had wanted to help, to fight, but being here would only be a distraction for your parents. You weren't strong enough to take on any of these people, no matter what you would like to believe. 

“What do you want? Leave my family be,” your mother demanded, her voice cold and emotionless. You felt chills listening to her as you had never heard that tone of voice on her before. It was unpleasant and strange listening to it now.

“We have been searching everywhere for you. Our employer was not happy when he found out we couldn't find you,” the man chided slightly mockingly. “But here we are. He will be pleased and will surely pay us a lot of money to finally see your demise.” Your mother growled, standing stiff and firm.

“Leave. Now.” He didn't leave. Instead, he motioned to the two flanking him, doing some weird hand gestures you couldn't understand. Immediately, they seemed to disappear into the shadows and the man took his katana off his back and out of its sheath. Your mother didn't flinch.

“I do not have a weapon. That's hardly fair, akuma.” 

“I am not a fair man.” From the way he spoke, you could tell he wore a malicious smirk under his mask. He swung at your mother and that's when all hell broke loose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for commenting! Sorry this took so long, I'll be honest and say that I wasn't sure if you'd like the way this is gonna go or not, but finally I've worked up the courage and posted lol  
> Hopefully you enjoyed, if you didn't please be nice about it  
> Also, Akuma supposedly means demon in Japanese, but that's straight from google translate so if that's incorrect please tell me!


	4. Chapter 4

Watching the fight was nerve wracking and terrifying. You had no idea what was going on, only that your mother appeared to be losing. It was a blur and you couldn't quite follow what was happening. It was like all those times when you fell asleep on your way home in the carriage and suddenly woke up, not knowing where you were or how long you had been out. 

Feeling like a coward, you watched as the demon sliced your mother’s arm, leaving a large gaping cut that began to bleed profusely. Feeling your heart in your throat, you tried to steel yourself. You needed to do something. Cause a distraction, something to make the man’s concentration falter so your mother could get the upper hand. Looking at the shed housing all your fighting equipment, you came up with a plan. Crouching low to the ground, you tiptoed to the door, annoyed when you noticed it was padlocked. Hearing a panicked gasp, you whirled around. Your mother's eyes were trained on you, horrified to see you outside. You put a finger to your lips, gesturing towards the man who had begun to swing the sword again, not wasting time for your mother to regain her bearings. She jumped out of the way, the sword catching the front of her robe and slicing a shallow cut on her stomach.

You turned back to the door and sighed before noticing a large group of rocks piled near the small building. Kai had used them to test your reflexes and he apparently had stocked up. Gathering the stones in your shirt, you hid behind the wall, careful that the man didn't see you. You could still hear the fight going on although your mother was quickly losing her strength and giving in to exhaustion. You briefly wondered where your father was before shaking the thought out of your mind. He was fine, you reassured yourself, trying desperately to shake off the uneasy feeling that he was far from fine. 

Turning to peek out beyond the wall, you threw back your arm before whipping the rock forward, hitting the man in the side of the head. He whipped around, startled. Using the distraction, your mother kicked out, sending the man staggering back. He fell, his hand twisting the wrong way from trying to catch himself. Your mother watched for a second as he groaned in pain before looking over towards you. You knew you were in a bunch of trouble and you felt a bit scared when your mother began stalking over to you. She was merely a few feet away when she suddenly stopped, a look of shock plastered on her face that quickly morphed into undeniable pain. A large sword stuck out of her abdomen, slick with blood. You backed up, hiding yourself in the large hedge that encased your property. The sword was wrenched back, a sickening sound as it left your mother's body causing you to gag. The man looked down at your mother’s body, triumph written in his entire body language.

“Nice getting to know you, (M/N),” he sneered before slithering off. As soon as he was gone, you dashed out of the bushes, tears streaming down your face and broken sounds falling from your lips.

“No, mama, please. I'm sorry, this is all my fault,” you blubbered, cradling her head gently in your lap.

“Shh, sweetie. Listen,” she gasped out, trying desperately just to live long enough to get the words out. “Yo-your fath-er, he's go-one.” She took a large, shuddering breath, trying hard not to stutter. “You’re the-the la-ast (L/N) heir. Ma-Make us pro-ud, my love. Do-Don't let others kn-now what you are capa-capable of. Please, pl-ease, my dear, know tha-at we lo-ve you ve-very much. Find the Beif-Beifongs. They will ta-ke you in. I love you, my dar-ling.” Her dying monologue done, your mother’s strong grip on life began to fade. Your tears were rubbing your face raw but you couldn't care less. 

Watching as your mother fought for every breath was heartbreaking and traumatizing. She was trying her hardest to hold on so she wouldn't leave you but it was no use. She took her last breath repeating your name over and over, her eyes becoming glassy and her chest becoming still as she no longer breathed. You cried out, clutching her body to your chest as you grieved.

“No, mama, come back to me. Please, please, please. I can't lose the both of you. Please come back. Don't leave me. Please don't leave me!” You rested your ear against her chest, hoping for any sign of life. There was none.

The smell of smoke filled the air, startling you from your grieving. Looking over, you watched as your home went up in flames, dark plumes of smoke clouding the dark night sky. You didn't care. You felt wrong, like you weren't there and that your entire body just shut off. You didn't feel anything as you watched as the place you called home for seven years was eaten by the flames. You turned back to your mother, your hand intertwined with her own. Looking down at her, it felt wrong. Your father was nowhere to be seen. Deciding to fix that, you went off to search for his corpse. Your tears were still wet on your face and you felt cold. Empty inside.

Feeling sweaty from the labour of dragging your father's body back to where your mother lay and the still hot flames, you stepped back, looking down at your parents who were side-by-side. They could have passed for being asleep if it weren't for the various blood stains and dead look in their eyes. Kneeling down, you gently closed their eyes, leaning forward to kiss both their foreheads before turning around and taking one last look at the charred building. 

Feeling detached and blank, you began walking, barely registering the pain in your feet and the various cuts and bruises from the sneaking around. You had a dying wish to follow. You were going to the Beifong’s.

This wasn't real. It was just a nightmare. You would wake up and everything would be normal once again. Every time you close your eyes, you hope and pray that you would finally wake up from this hell. That you didn't just watch your mother be brutally murdered. But you never wake up. You felt dead on your feet. Everything was gone, everyone you loved was dead. Why weren't you dead? 

Dried blood was making your skin feel rough and your clothes were sticking to your body. You looked a mess. Anyone passing by would look at you and at first glance would think they were looking at a walking murder victim. You winced at the sharp pain in your feet.

Your parents were dead. Gone. They were never coming back. You couldn't help them and now they were dead. Feeling your legs give out, you did little to stop yourself from collapsing to the ground. Broken sobs once again escaped your mouth as you lay on the side of the path, your hands clutching uselessly at the rocks and dirt.

You had no idea how long you laid there, tears leaking down your face. The rocks cut uncomfortably into your back, pressing painfully against your bruise. Eventually, your small form began to move, lifting yourself from your position. The sun had risen in the sky and, looking over your shoulder, you could still see smoke billowing into the sky. Judging from the darker colouring, it seemed the fire had still not been put out. Grimacing, you looked away. You refused to start crying again. It was useless and wouldn't give you back everything you lost. It wasted time and energy. Crying was pointless. 

You nodded to yourself, standing up and wiping some of the dirt off your clothing. Your bare feet were burnt and cut to pieces, having previously stepped in hot ash, sharp rocks and occasionally pieces of glass from where the windows had shattered. You had long since learned to ignore the pain and the blood. You had gotten any lingering pieces of glass out so you didn't worry all that much. Feeling detached, you stumbled along the road in the general direction of the Beifong home.

After what felt to be quite a while, you noticed the familiar and large house. The guards stationed at the gate hadn't noticed you standing off to the side, watching quietly. You were surprised no one had seen you on your way here but you were thankful nonetheless. Having everyone go into a mass panic at the sight of you wouldn't be good. You itched absentmindedly at the dried blood splattered on your arm, watching as it flaked off. You swallowed the lump in your throat and ignored the hollow feeling in your chest, instead choosing to approach the guards.

Once you were a few feet away, one of the guards noticed you and let out a startled shout. His companion flew around, both of their hands immediately going and drawing their swords. You slowly lifted your hands, trying to convey your harmlessness. 

“My name is (Y/N) (L/N), my home is in flames, my parents are dead, and I would like to speak to the Beifongs,” you demanded, trying to be polite but instead the words coming out sharp and blunt. The guards were shocked, not really knowing if they should believe you. 

Watching your shivering form, one of them eventually went to go and find either the patriarch or the matriarch of the Beifongs. You and the remaining guard just stared at each other, not really knowing what to say or do. You sighed, wrapping your arms around yourself as you glanced around the property. 

Suddenly, the other guard came into view, both Poppy and Lao a few steps behind him. Locking eyes with Poppy, you could see the exact moment she recognized you. Her hands flew up to her mouth, inhaling sharply at the sight of you. Lao gasped, looking at you with pity. You assumed the guard filled him in on your opening words. The area grew silent, too shocked to say anything. You cleared your throat.

“Can I come in?”

Slumping down in a chair had never felt so amazing to you before. A maid had run to get some clothes for you while another had handed you a washcloth so you could clean up a bit. Thanking her, you ran the rag over your arms and face, scrubbing slightly to get everything off. You grimaced at the blood under your short nails but resolved to fix that later. 

After washing off your body, you felt the need to clean your feet up a bit. Wiping the rag gently against your feet hurt quite a lot. Every wipe sent a large jolt of pain through you but you grit your teeth and continued. You had no idea how you had walked on your feet at all. There was a loud noise as someone entered the room you had been sent to. Assuming it was the maid with some extra clothes, you turned your head slightly. Jumping and nearly falling out of your chair, you gasped.

“(Y/N)?” The small girl had barely changed, although now she seemed to hold herself a lot straighter and with a bit more confidence.

“Toph,” you breathed, feeling your heart jump at the sight of her. Toph began to beam, a wide smile plastered on her face. You couldn't help but return the grin. Seeing Toph, even under the awful circumstances, was amazing. Toph ran at you, encircling you in a hug and lifting you out of the chair. You were slightly surprised. Toph was certainly not one for shows of affection such as these.

Feeling yourself melt into the embrace, you were surprised how much the simple hug seemed to help the hollow feeling you had been carrying around since the slaughter. You briefly wondered how she knew it was you and where you were but shrugged it off. Who cares? Toph was here now. Squeezing the small girl, you buried your head into her shoulder. Slowly, tears began to well up in your eyes once more.

You were disgusted with yourself. You had already said no more tears, but being with Toph had torn down what flimsy barricades you had put in place in order to keep the memories away. Feeling your shoulders begin to shake, you silently cried as she held you, Toph gently rubbing your back in a soothing manor.

“I missed you, Twitch,” she whispered. Feeling your heart jump oddly, you clenched the fabric of her clothing in your small hands a bit tighter than you had been doing previously. 

“I missed you too, Toph.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really bad at this update thing, aren't I?  
> Hoped you liked the chapter :) I really struggled with it  
> Oh, I have a tumblr now! It's pretty bare but it's there lol - https://panikki.tumblr.com/


	5. Chapter 5

Years later, you were still living in the Beifong household. Your father didn't have any living relatives and your mother had never mentioned having any either, leaving you completely alone. You did have Toph (and Poppy and Lao) though, so you weren't too sad. Toph and you had grown to be basically inseparable. A few weeks after your arrival, Toph had filled you in on what had happened when she ran away and how she had learned Earthbending from the badgermoles, now being able to see using the earth. You were amazed, to say the least.

Using Earthbending to actually see things wasn't something that happened fairly often, or at all really. You had never heard of humans being able to see through the earth and you had just assumed only the badgermoles were able to. Toph had sworn you to secrecy, telling you to never tell her parents or the earthbending master they had hired after they found out about Toph’s bending ability. You agreed without hesitation, not wanting to see how Poppy and Lao would react to seeing such strength in what they presumed to be their darling, fragile daughter. 

There weren't many things that you and Toph kept secret from each other. The only thing Toph kept secret from you was where she was going some nights. When you had asked her, she had just said she was practicing earthbending. You understood that she didn’t like her lessons with Master Yu. She had complained countless times about his teaching and so you chose to never bring it up, unless you wanted to listen to her complaints all day. After countless questions and little to no answers, you eventually grew frustrated and stopped asking, annoyed she would keep things from you but also scared she would find your constant pestering annoying and leave you. You accepted what little she did tell you and moved on, trying your best not to dwell on her disappearances. You covered for her when you needed to, glad you could be of help. 

Today felt like any other day to you. Poppy and Lao had meetings, you and Toph hung out in her room and snuck out into the gardens when you could. Toph and yourself had befriended the guards and maids, so they didn’t say anything to Toph’s parents about you two being outside. They did keep a sharp eye on you, though. After the incident at your home, Poppy and Lao had cracked down on their rules, not letting either of you outside even with double the guards. They were paranoid, and although you were annoyed, you did see they had a point.

You and Toph sat out in the gardens in silence, your feet propped up in her lap as you lay on your back, basking in the sunlight. You felt Toph shift and you immediately gave her your attention, recognizing that she wanted to say something. 

“I’m going out again tonight. It’d be really awesome if you’d cover for me,” she said nonchalantly. You smirked, pushing away the feeling of curiosity.

“Oh? Is the great Toph Beifong asking for my help? I’m flattered, really, but what will you give me?” You asked playfully. “Surely you don’t think I’ll just go and lie to your parents with nothing being given in return?” Toph swatted at you, leaning down to punch you on the arm. You laughed, used to her punches by now. 

“Twitch, I’m serious,” she laughed. You scoffed.

“You seriously aren’t going to give up on that nickname? I don’t even do that anymore!” You protested loudly.

“Too late! You’ve been labeled for life!” Toph cackled. You huffed but ceased your protests, secretly feeling a bit warm and fuzzy at the nickname. You’d never tell her that, though. 

“Sure, I’ll cover for you. I still don’t know why you won’t let me come with you. I want to see you practice earthbending! At least tell me where you’re going?” You asked cautiously. Toph shook her head, squeezing your cheeks with a smirk.

“Nope, not gonna happen. Don’t want you accidentally getting hurt by a flying rock or something! Nice try, though.” You grimaced and slapped her hand away.

“It was worth a shot,” you grumbled before a maid walked over to you two.

“Hello, Min!” You greeted. The older woman smiled slightly.

“Mistress (Y/N), Mistress Toph,” she bowed slightly, despite both you and Toph telling her not to. “Toph, your parents could be home soon. We aren’t entirely sure when they’ll be back so you shouldn’t risk staying outside any longer.” Toph and you groaned in unison, not wanting to get up. Min laughed before ushering you both inside quickly, not wanting either of you or any of the staff to get into trouble. 

That night, you bid Toph goodbye. 

“Be careful,” you warn. “You still owe me for covering for you and if you die or get kidnapped, I’ll be seriously angry.” Toph just smirked, waving off your words.

“Aren’t I always careful?”

“If careful means dangerously reckless, stubborn, sarcastic, hot-headed-”

“Rude!”

“-then yes, you’re always careful,” you finished, ignoring her interruption. She hit you on the shoulder before you both parted ways, you leaving her room so she could change out of her formal clothing and into something she could train in. 

Speaking of training, you had kept yours up. You hadn’t seen Kai in a long time, which saddened you a lot. He had grown to be someone you were quite fond of. You hadn’t told anyone about him, respecting your mother’s wishes to keep your defense training a secret. You briefly thought about what her reasonings were for keeping your training a secret but shook those thoughts off, feeling like you were dishonouring her by thinking ill of her wishes. 

Even though you didn’t mention your ability to defend yourself, you still practiced. You had asked the guards for equipment and they had agreed, promising to keep it a secret. You were thankful for them, the staff was a huge help. They even offered to help you when they could. You immediately took up their offer, although they weren’t able to help very often. You stopped at your room, intending to change into a more comfortable outfit. Thinking about training had made you want to do something so you were going to go to the practice room. You wanted to get in a few punches before the Beifongs got home. Hopefully the person they were talking with lived far away. A knock on the door made you pause. 

“Come in!” You called, a bit annoyed. You were surprised when Poppy poked her head in.

“Sorry to bother you, (Y/N), just wanted to check in and say we’re home. How are you?” She asked. You bit back a groan of frustration. They got home right when you had decided to train?!  _ I’m so unlucky,  _ you think to yourself before forcing a smile.

“I’m fine, thank you. I was just heading to bed. It’s been a long day,” you said politely. Poppy nodded.

“I’ll leave you be, then. I’ll just go and check on Toph-”

“Oh, she’s asleep already,” you say smoothly, not missing a beat. “She felt unusually tired all day long. She said she didn’t sleep all that well last night. I, personally, wouldn’t wake her as she really looked like she needed the sleep, but if you want to-” Poppy shook her head quickly, looking guilty at the thought of waking her daughter. You felt a small pang of guilt at worrying Poppy but quickly pushed it away.

“No, no. I’ll talk to her tomorrow instead. I’d hate to wake her if she needs her sleep,” Poppy said before waving to you and quietly shutting the door. Taking a deep breath, you frowned and changed into your pajamas. No training for you tonight, then.

When Toph got back, she was in an unusual bad mood. Normally she always was happy, cocky being a better word, but when she had woken you up to inform you that she had gotten back safe, she was basically fuming. She refused to talk about it, although she muttered something about a dancer? You were sure you weren’t supposed to hear her mumbling so you ignored it. It really didn’t make any sense anyway. You simply told her to go to bed and that if she didn’t cool off by morning, then you would pester her for answers. 

That morning, Toph seemed better. She still seemed off, bitter even, but you couldn’t put your finger on why. She rolled with your lie, telling her mother that she had slept much better and thanked her for not waking her up. Eventually, she seemed basically back to normal and you pushed your curiosity to the back of your mind, not wanting to upset her now that she’d calmed down.

You and her sat on the balcony, sitting quietly. She suddenly cocked her head to the side, a stormy look passing over her.

“Toph?” You asked. She ignored you, instead rushing out the door and out of sight. Bewildered, you sat still for a second. What had brought on the sudden mood shift? Toph could sometimes be a complete mystery to you. You heavily relied on your ability to read her after all these years since she doesn’t vocalize her feelings all that much, and even then it was hard to understand when she does something completely out of the blue like that. 

Scrambling to your feet, you began to follow her although you walked at a much more sedate pace, figuring Toph was just being Toph and it wasn’t a very important matter. Suddenly hearing her call the guards was completely unexpected and had you very alarmed. You dashed outside, seeing a flash of orange and yellow vault over the wall surrounding the property before turning your attention to Toph. She was surrounded by some of the newer guards, looking properly chastised as they scolded her. Normally, when you and her went outside, there were dozens of guards on standby. You weren’t allowed outside when Poppy and Lao were home, when they weren’t, you still had a whole squadron of guards and maids keeping an eye on you. You watched as she nodded slightly, looking meek. You knew it was all an act, though. Her eyes held anger. 

Toph refused to explain, much to your growing annoyance. You were starting to get really irritated and slightly anxious with her lack of answers to your questions. She simply said she thought she felt something, but it wasn’t anything to worry about. Pressing your lips together, you clenched your fists before letting the matter slide. She has the right to her secrets, you silently told yourself. That doesn’t mean she’s mixed up in anything bad, simply that she doesn’t want to tell you. Barely reassured, you kept your worries to yourself. Toph’s mood further fell when she noticed her mother and father had invited Master Yu over. They wanted to talk to him about her earthbending lessons. 

You and her sat quietly off to the side as they worried about their daughter, not wanting her to be doing anything dangerous. A sudden wave of sadness washed over you at the familiar words. Although they had not been exactly the same circumstances, your parents had also interrogated Kai on your combat lessons, and just as Master Yu had, Kai had assured them he was keeping you at a beginner’s level. Unlike Master Yu, Kai had lied while Yu had told the truth, having kept Toph at the most basic level earthbending had. Suddenly, a maid entered the room, looking sheepish at the interruption. 

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but there are some visitors here. One of them claims to be the Avatar!” Everyone in the room seemed to perk up, all of you looking a bit startled. Toph, however, just looked downright irritated. You began to put some of the puzzle pieces together.

At dinner, you were reserved. You were still trying to put together the connection between Toph and Aang, as he had been introduced as. You sat at the end of the table, slightly annoyed at being pushed down and away from Toph. Lao sat at the head, with Poppy, Toph and Master Yu on one side and Aang, Katara and Sokka one the other side. You observed the three newcomers carefully. Aang seemed to keep stealing glances at Toph, as did Katara. Sokka was stuffing himself happily. You felt a smirk tug at the corner of your lip but you held it back. Seeing his ghastly table manners shouldn’t be funny to an aristocrat, so you turned your attention back to the conversation.

“So, Avatar Aang, how long do you feel the Hundred Year War will continue?” Lao asked politely. You hid your grimace, feeling the question to be a bit passive aggressive but maybe that was just you. 

“We’re hoping to defeat the Fire Lord by the summer,” Aang replied. He hesitated before sparing another glance at Toph. You stabbed at your food, slightly annoyed at the excessive attention Aang was giving Toph. Furrowing your brow, you shook yourself subtly. You had no idea where  _ that _ had come from. “I’m still looking for an earthbending teacher, though.” Looking up from your mauled food, you looked at Aang. He seemed to sense your intense stare as he quickly locked eyes with you. Looking surprised at your slightly blank look, he quickly turned away. You barely noticed, figuring things out in your mind. Aang’s constant staring at Toph, the way he barely acknowledged Master Yu (an earthbending  _ teacher _ ), why he even came to the Beifong household. The answer dawned on you quickly. Aang meant for  _ Toph _ to teach him! You raised an eyebrow slightly. How did he even know about Toph? 

Frustrated beyond belief, you slammed your chopsticks down, accidentally breaking a small chunk off one. Looking up, you were glad to see no one really noticed your outburst except Toph and Sokka. Toph tilted her head towards you, slightly surprised at the disturbance. Sokka was wide-eyed, staring at you in bewilderment. You tried to smile, quickly hiding the broken piece. 

“Um…” Sokka trailed off, looking around to see if anyone had seen you basically murder the utensil. He looked on the verge of clambering over the table to get away from you but restrained himself and stayed seated. No one paid any attention to the end of the table where you sat, too caught up in the conversation. 

“Master Yu is a wonderful earthbending teacher,” Lao said politely, tilting his head slightly towards the man to your left who smiled cockily. You saw Toph scowl slightly but it was gone in a split second, replaced with her Beifong mask. 

“Actually,” Aang began timidly, “I was wondering if your dau-” He didn't finish his sentence, instead jerking back a bit violently. Surprised, everyone flinched a bit at the sudden movement. Well, everyone except Toph who smirked before asking in a polite tone if he was alright. You could feel the amusement and smugness dripping from her all the way across the table. You felt a bit at odds and left out. Toph was clearly keeping some important things from you (like how she knew the avatar) and now you felt completely shut out of the conversation. Everyone at the table was quietly talking to someone, everyone except you. 

Sitting back and acting demure and quiet is something you had to do quite often, but it still got boring and made you feel left out. Sighing, you just shook off the thoughts, wanting to focus on what was happening. Aang had begun to continue what he was saying, although he didn't get very far before he was jerked forward again, this time face planting into his soup. Slowly, he sat back up, soup dripping down his face.

“Are you alright, Avatar Aang?” Poppy asked.

“I'm fi-fi-” Once again his sentence was cut off, but this time it was because of a huge sneeze that sent his bowl of soup flying at Toph. It splattered on her, hitting Poppy and Master Yu in the process. Toph jumped up, feeling the liquid running down her face and grimacing at the sensation. She scowled deeply and you knew immediately that there was going to be some sort of fight if Toph had any say in the matter.

“You little…” She trailed off, her hands clenching at her sides, bunched in her dress. You stood up silently, ready to either back her up or hold her back if you needed to. “How dare y-” Toph's raised voice was quickly silenced when her mother cleared her throat, announcing that supper was finished. She offered the Avatar and his friends a place to sleep for the night, much to Toph's horror and annoyance, before the adults all went to clean up the mess they had on them. Toph stormed off a few seconds later, no doubt to let off some frustration before she blew up and ended up earthbending someone into the ground. Still standing, you felt the room grow increasingly more awkward as no one said a word. 

Taking your eyes from the place where Toph used to be, you glanced over at Team Avatar, who all were sharing looks and glancing at you every once in a while. Crossing your arms to your chest, you turned towards them fully. Calling upon all of the etiquette classes you were forced to take when younger (and even now), you forced a convincing smile. You could see everyone relax a fraction, except Sokka. He seemed to be a bit wary of you after the chopstick incident. Clearing your throat, you straightened up a bit more.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t believe we have been formally introduced. I’m (Y/N) (L/N), it’s very nice to meet you all!” You exclaim politely. Aang grinned widely.

“Nice to meet you! I’m Aang, this is Katara and Sokka.” He gestured wildly at his companions. You weren’t sure how you felt about the odd trio. They seemed nice enough but they were here with the intent on taking Toph. You weren’t worried, though. Toph would never leave without you. It was a promise made long ago, but it was the most important thing to the both of you. Taking a deep breath, you gestured towards the group.

“I’m sure the maids are a bit busy cleaning right now,” you say, talking about the mess Aang had made. “I’ll show you to your rooms.” You swept out of the room, trying to mimic the elegant way your mother used to leave before she had...left you. Frowning, you shook the thought out of your head and focused on the footsteps hurrying to catch up to you. Slowing down slightly, you turned to look at the three kids behind you. The two siblings seemed to be only a few years older than you and Toph. Aang, on the other hand, seemed to be about your age although he acted much younger. He seemed a bit childish. You turned back to face the front, not wanting the three to see your darkening expression as you scolded yourself. 

The poor kid could do whatever he wanted. He was just thrown into a world that’s 100 years into a war where he’s expected to go and murder the Fire Lord. Aang should hold onto his childhood a little longer. Even though he is innocent you could tell he could become serious when the situation calls for it. Silently scolding yourself for making brash decisions on a person before even knowing them, you decided to lead the boys to their rooms first.

“So,” Aang said loudly, startling you slightly (although you tried not to show it). “Why are you here, (Y/N)?” You bit the inside of your cheek, knowing the child hadn’t meant to bring back terrible memories. Either way, an overwhelming wave of sadness crushed you, knocking the breath out of you and squeezing your throat tightly. You spun around, careful to keep everything hidden under the mask you had perfected years ago.

“Lord and Lady Beifong have been kind enough to let me stay after an unfortunate incident at my own estate,” you said vaguely. Giving them a blinding smile, you gesture to the two doors that were in front of you. “These are-”

“Wait, what happened?” Katara inquired, looking intrigued. Holding your hands behind your back, you pinched your skin, the pain helping you keep your emotions under control. 

“I would answer your question, Miss Katara,” you make yourself appear timid and shy, “but it’s not anything really important. It’s actually a little embarrassing. I can maybe talk about it tomorrow.” You force yourself to giggle nervously. Hopefully she would be sympathetic with the little girl persona you had fabricated. You were fairly good at reading people and playing on their weaknesses is something that came fairly naturally. Katara seemed to want to prod further but a quick nudge from Sokka made her change her mind. You fold your hands into the fabric of your clothing, nodding towards the boys.

“These are your rooms. The one a bit farther down the hall will be for her,” you pointed at Katara and then at the door you meant. “I must be going now. It’s been a very eventful day. I will see you all in the morning!” You gave a small wave before quietly walking back towards your room. You felt exhausted, your mind having gone on overdrive trying to figure everything out that was happening around you. Feeling bitter, you quietly blamed Toph. Deep down, you knew it wasn’t Toph’s fault in the slightest and you would feel very guilty in about five minutes for even thinking that it was all Toph’s fault, but at the moment you were tired and memories kept trying to find their way into your mind. Sometimes you just needed to vent, but Toph hadn’t been around for you as much as you would have liked so you bottled up the stress. Normally you could vent during practice but you hadn’t had a chance to go to the training room in the last week. Feeling the urge to scream was something that had become quite usual lately. Tugging on your hair, you quietly sat in the middle of the floor in your bedroom. Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and began to meditate.

You were pulled from your meditative state by a commotion outside of your window. Getting up sluggishly, you glanced out. You were a bit surprised to see Katara and Sokka kneeling down by the ground with a very distressed Lao and Poppy looking over their shoulders. Feeling slightly worried, you decided to go down and investigate. You noticed Toph and Aang were nowhere to be seen but you hoped that they were still in bed. If Toph had gone out, she would have told you, you reassured yourself. She always tells you before she leaves. Heaving a deep breath, you hurried to the gardens, feeling uneasy despite your reassurances. You made it out in time to hear the tail end of a conversation.

“We’re coming too,” was all you heard before you noticed Master Yu, Katara, Sokka, and Lao about to leave.

“Wait!” You called, jogging over. “What’s going on?”

“(Y/N), you must stay here,” Lao said sternly.

“Where are you-” You try to ask but you were rudely cut off by Master Yu.

“You have no training and will be of little assistance. You will get yourself hurt.” You had never wanted to punch Master Yu in the face more than in that moment. Feeling your confusion quickly morphing into frustration, you attempt to get in an actual sentence.

“What is going-”

“We have to go!” Katara called. “I’m sorry (Y/N), but you have to stay here.” Without giving you a chance to speak, they left. You stood silently in shock, trying to process what the hell had just happened. You had absolutely no clue as to what was going on. Growling in frustration, you quickly came back to your senses. You tried to connect the dots, using your observation skills to fill in any blanks, although you could still be completely wrong. Poppy and Lao were worried, but so were Katara and Sokka. They had to leave in a hurry. Poppy had hurried into the house, tears in her eyes and muttering things you couldn’t understand. Sighing, you quickly came to the conclusion that something had happened to Aang and Toph. 

Quickly hurrying to the gates, you were ready to follow the group and help them out. If Toph was in trouble, you wanted to help. Even though you were still in the fancy clothing from earlier, you didn’t care. You were halfway out the gates when a strong arm lifted you up, setting you down a few feet away.

“I don’t think so. Lady Beifong told us we need to keep you here,” said Jing Lee, grinning slightly at your disgruntled look. “Sorry (L/N), but we gotta follow the rules around here.” You crossed your arms, pouting slightly. He just pushed you back inside, oblivious to you searching for escape routes that could get you past the guards quickly enough so you wouldn’t lose the four.

After several nearly-successful escape attempts, you were currently locked in your room. There were guards stationed at the doors and guards milling about under your balcony and window, having learned that you didn’t care that the balcony was at a large height and would easily vault over the railing. That was the closest (and last) attempt before they learned their lesson and figured out all the exits that needed to be covered. 

You were sitting on your bed, bored out of your mind. All the escape routes had been used and therefore there were guards stationed at them. There was no escape. Almost every guard on duty had been pulled to help keep you at the house. You didn’t quite understand why, but they thought you could get hurt if you tried to follow Lord Beifong. Either way, they’re long gone by now. You would never be able to find them at this point. Sighing sadly, you lay back on your bed. You had changed into more comfortable clothes, although they weren’t your pajamas. You didn’t intend to sleep until Lao had gotten back with Toph. You wanted to confront them and you doubted you would be taken seriously if you weren’t properly dressed. You were distracted by some movement in the hall. Sitting up, you wondered if they were back. You could hear voices but it was hard to distinguish whether it was the guards or if the others had come home. After a few moments of silence, you were about to write off the sounds as the guards. 

Before you could, you heard loud talking from a room near your own. You couldn’t hear what was being said, but from the tone of voice they seemed angry. Suddenly, you heard Toph’s voice and your heart leapt into your throat. You tried to wrench the door open but it wouldn’t budge. The guards still weren’t letting you out. Feeling slightly desperate, you walked onto your balcony. You locked eyes with three guards and immediately you retreated back into your room, understanding that it was a lost cause. You felt angry and confused beyond belief. What the hell was going on? Why would no one explain a goddamn thing to you?! 

Curling your hands into fists, you punched the wall. It hurt like hell and you cursed slightly, cradling your hand to your chest. You were fine, it wasn’t broken, but you still chastised yourself for doing something so irrational. You paused slightly, wondering why it had gotten so quiet. Maybe Lao and Poppy had sent Toph to bed. You still felt frustrated, although punching something  _ had  _ helped a bit. Feeling exhausted but knowing you wouldn’t sleep, you sat down on your floor and stared at the moon, trying to clear your mind and stop yourself from stressing more.

It had been almost three hours (you had counted) before there was any noise in the house. A loud shout had you scrambling to your feet. Were you all under attack? You felt sick at the thought. You had lost so much already, you couldn’t bear the thought of losing anyone else to an attack. Hearing the guards at your door take off, you took the chance to escape. You wouldn’t find any information on what was going on while being confined to your room.

You stealthily followed to where the sounds were coming from. You could distinctly hear Lao shouting but you couldn’t make out the words until you were pressed close to the doorway.

“Someone retrieve Master Yu from his quarters! And find that Xin Fu!! My daughter has been kidnapped! That wretched Avatar has taken Toph and we need someone to get her back!” The news knocked the breath out of you, physically making you fall down. Thankfully there was too much chaos to notice your small form cowering in the corner. You desperately wanted to believe Lao’s words to be true, that Toph had been kidnapped once more and had not gone willingly. Deep down, though, you knew it wasn’t true. You knew that Toph had seen her chance and she had taken it. 

You stumbled to your feet, not caring if you were seen. Your heart physically hurt and you felt nauseous. Clumsily, you made your way outside, wanting fresh air to calm your hyperventilation. You could barely breathe, let alone think. Toph had  _ promised.  _ She had promised that she would never leave you, that you would travel together and escape this suffocating life you lived. She had promised when you had first met and she had renewed the promise after you had come to live with the Beifongs, after hearing about how you felt it was your fault that your parents had left you. Thinking about it made you cry harder. You tripped over a root in the ground, falling to your knees. There was a sharp sting in your knees and hands but it didn’t register through your panicked state. 

Toph had  _ left.  _ She just upped and left you with no thought about it. She easily could have come to get you, with her ability to make holes in the  _ earth. _ She’s made doorways through the walls before and this was no exception. Rolling onto your back, you stared up at the foliage of the tree. This was where you and Toph had bonded, where you had talked happily about being gone and traveling all across the nations and not having any duties. When you had grown older, you knew that you would both have to step up and fill the role of being the Beifong and (L/N) heir, but you both agreed that if you saw a chance, you would take it before you had to fulfill the role of the heir. But you had said you would take the chance  _ together. _

Everything felt like it was falling out from underneath of you. Frequently, you thought about your abandonment issues and how they came to be. Honestly, you weren’t entirely sure but you knew that it became worse after your parents had died. You barely ever acknowledge the issue, having buried them deep in your mind, along with any of your nervous habits. They were weaknesses and discussing or showing them would leave you vulnerable. Right now, though, you could barely get yourself under control. Violent sobs wracked your body and eventually you didn’t know if you were crying over Toph, your parents, or if you were crying because of how much of a failure you were. Everything you loved left you.

You held your breath, trying to keep quiet and to stop the uncontrollable crying. You felt like a complete mess, your face sticky with drying tears and your clothes rumpled from laying on the ground. Your heart felt as if it had shattered into a million tiny pieces. You stared up at the sky with distant eyes, feeling numb, exhausted and, frankly, just completely _done._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, surprise? I know this took a while but I wasn't quite pleased with it. I'm still not happy with it but I'm so tired of staring at it and trying to fix it and just making it worse oof but it's a fairly long one, so there's that going for it! I know the time skip might have been a bit annoying as you want to see the reader heal but I thought we needed to start getting into the actual story lol I'll definitely be adding more Toph/Reader moments with the reader healing in flashbacks. Anyway, thank you for reading!  
> -Nikki

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy! This has been sitting in my documents for over a year lmao all mistakes are my own!  
> Please comment! They make my day and really inspire me to write :)
> 
> ~Nikki


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